


Your Family Lives in Your Memories

by Eylle9



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [16]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Blind Character, Canonical Character Death, F/M, FebuWhump2021, Gen, Love Does Not Equal Attachment, Mentioned Obi-Wan Kenobi, Post-Episode: s02e21-22 Twilight of the Apprentice, We Love and Respect Mace Windu in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29534799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eylle9/pseuds/Eylle9
Summary: Febuwhump Day #18 Prompt: I can’t see"A blind Jedi Knight, what can he do?" Kanan asked himself bitterly, but Hera was there this time and her words echoed the forgotten words of Kanan's old master.
Relationships: Depa Billaba & Kanan Jarrus, Depa Billaba & Kanan Jarrus & Mace Windu, Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135274
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Your Family Lives in Your Memories

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been rewatching the Rebels recently, so this happened. I hope you like it!

It was one of Kanan’s bad days, everyone in the crew knew it was hard for him to get used to not seeing anything. He was alone with Hera and he decided to break the silence.

“I can’t see anything Hera. How can I help the Rebellion like that? A Jedi Knight who can’t even see... “ Kanan felt Hera’s movements, she turned, probably so she could have a better sight of him. 

“You are more than your eyes let you see Kanan,” Hera said calmly, but it was not Hera’s voice he heard in his mind. It was a voice that he missed so much, a voice that still made him feel like a youngling. For a second he felt as though he was at the Temple, for a second he thought this was his Master’s voice. 

That reminded him of something, of a memory which had been hiding in the deeper part of his mind. 

“Caleb,” he felt Master Depa standing next to him, he wanted to run to her, he wanted to feel her once again, he wanted to feel safe like he used to. He wanted to say something but a younger voice beat him. 

“I can’t see anything Master. How can I know where you are?” It was the voice of his younger self, a boy from another time, from another time. 

“You don’t need your eyes to feel the Force, padawan.” Kanan felt his master’s attack but he was not able to act. He found himself lying on the ground as he heard his Master’s voice again. 

“You do not let the Force guide you, Caleb. You are more than your eyes let you see.” A hand reached to him. 

“Let’s do it again.” With that, Kanan took Master Depa’s hand and stood up. As he was getting ready to take a position, Hera’s voice made him come back to reality. 

“Kanan, are you okay?” Hera asked as she came to sit next to him, she was obviously worried. 

“I’m okay, it just reminded me of something.” 

“Of what?” Hera asked curiously. 

“Master Depa used to tell me the same thing.” He smiled fondly. 

“We used to train with our eyes closed back at the Temple. It was a way to make our connection to the Force stronger and our masters reminded us our eyes can be deceiving.” 

“I feel like there is more to that story.” Hera was smiling too, Kanan didn’t talk about the family he lost a lot and was thankful Hera wasn’t bringing it up directly. He mourned them but talking about them, even the good times, didn’t come easy to him. 

“Yes, but it is embarrassing.” 

“I’m sure it can’t be as embarrassing as-” Kanan cut off what Hera was saying. 

“I don’t want to be reminded of what embarrassing thing I’ve done right now.” Kanan sighed. “Okay, fine, I will tell.” A victorious smile appeared on Hera’s face. 

“Once, when we were training I attacked a weaponless Master Kenobi instead of my own Master. Fortunately, he was able to defend himself.” 

“Didn’t he have his lightsaber?” 

“He probably did, but I think he didn’t want to cut a padawan’s training lightsaber with a real one.” 

“It doesn’t sound like that much of an embarrassing story.” 

“Maybe not, but I got reminded of it a lot. Master Depa used to tell that story to annoy Master Kenobi. She exaggerated it sometimes, it turned into a story where I got so close to defeating Master Kenobi. I don’t think it annoyed him though, he acted like it was the truth. Only once when Master Mace also joined in the talking it ended up as a sparring match between them. Master Depa was teaching me Soresu, Master Kenobi also used Soresu so they let me watch it. It was one of the best spars I’ve watched.” 

“Who won?” Hera asked. 

“Master Mace but it was a hard one. At least that’s what Master Depa said. I was even younger than Ezra when this happened. I don't remember every detail but Master Mace joined us to eat something that day. He didn't have much time with the war going on. All in all, he was the head of the Order. Master Depa never meant for me to hear it, but I knew she was worried about him. She thought he was overworking himself." A sad smile crossed his face. 

"What did you talk about that day?" Hera asked to soften the moment and it worked. Kanan's smile grew a little bit bigger and answered the question. 

"I probably asked so many questions as I always did back then and the masters answered all of them patiently like they always did." 

“You miss them.” There was no questioning in Hera’s voice, it was a statement. 

“I do. They were my _family_ Hera, Master Depa, Master Mace, the whole Order. I wish Ezra was able to meet them too. He would have loved them as I did.” The words _they would have loved him like I do_ stayed unspoken but Kanan knew Hera would understand it nonetheless. 

“Kanan, I know it is hard for you, even after all of those years, but the crew is here if you want to talk about them, I’m always here for you.” 

“I wish I could see you.” Kanan got closer to her. 

“You could always see me.” Hera's hands reached Kanan's cheeks, just before they kissed. 

“Thank you,” Kanan whispered but it echoed the voice of two people who were standing right behind him, even though no one heard. He couldn’t feel them, neither could anyone else, but they were there. They had always been with him even though he didn’t know, two Jedi who became a part of the Force, always looking after him. Masters Mace Windu and Depa Billiba smiled at the child who grew and became a Knight; that they knew that he would, and smiled at him, smiled that he had a family, that he was not alone.

**Author's Note:**

> [Crazyinfj’s Tumblr! (aka the beta)](http://crazyinfj.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [Eylle9's Tumblr! (aka the writer)](https://tumblr.com/blog/eylle9)


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